It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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