In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Randomize
