I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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