Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
