Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

We are so in love

(504): View more from Louisiana

so when's the next time you get to see your balls

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(206): View more from Washington

at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch

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(504): View more from Louisiana

my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt

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(847): View more from Illinois

That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am

(248): View more from Michigan

Hahaha. That's funny.

(847): View more from Illinois

But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship

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(217): View more from Illinois

I feel a five day drunk coming on.

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(410): View more from Maryland

he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"

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(702): View more from Nevada

Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?

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