wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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