those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
