guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
