Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
