Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
