Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
