i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
