i would punch a child for taco bell
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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