im drinking this country out of the recession.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
