Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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