looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
