I'm really into asian looking animals
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
