i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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