Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
