Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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