I have demons in me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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