Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
