It's like God shit irony all over that family
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
