Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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