we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
