And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
