We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
