worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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