shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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