her vagine was all disorganized.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
