How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize
