your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
