She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
