Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
