U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize