She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you had me at cake vodka
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
