so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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