im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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