hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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