this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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