I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
