It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
