Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
we're so committed to being not committed
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize