he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
