one two three fourrrrnication!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize