ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is Oprah even human
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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