I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
