i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
