i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
