omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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