the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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