I cannot find my penis.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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