I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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