just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think your dad took our porno
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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