I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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