I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
