non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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