loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
