The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
