Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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