Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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