he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
