i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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