You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
