You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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