i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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